And this has been a word vomit.
This has been a really weird last 10 days for me where my brain has been spinning around like a bunch of ping pong balls in a popcorn machine - lots of action but going absolutely nowhere. Do you know how exhausting thinking can be sometimes? You’re absolutely, purely, 100% unadulteratedly emotionally exhausted but physically you’ve really done nothing but sit on your butt all day long. I haven’t done a single thing school-related since it started, and have spent more time staring at nothing wondering what I should do first than actually doing anything. Read a textbook? Prep a case? Do some math practice? HRSA stuff? SIFE stuff? ICBC stuff? Exercise? Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Ok I lie - obviously I did do some stuff, but really, not much. Exhausted from meetings and events and more meetings and even more THINKING. What am I doing for the rest of my life? What kind of career do I want? Why am I so intimidated by other people that brag to me about how put-together they are? What am I trying to achieve at the expense of my social life going down the drain? I don’t think my friends will want to be my friends after this year because frankly speaking, I haven’t been a very good friend. I’m worried about my classes, I’m worried about current projects, I’m worried about future projects, I’m worried about other people’s commitments and I’m worried that I’ve turned into a big, huge, freakin’ basket case because I think too much.
Okay I’m done. I can’t wait until I’m old enough to look back at this and laugh at my neurotic, crazy, little 21 year old self.